When was the last time you said no? I don't mean to the kids, like
"No, you can't jump off the back of the couch"
"No, sorry you cannot have chocolate for dinner"
"Please, no, don't sit on the dog"
And I am sure the list goes on. I paused the other day to count how many times in an hour I said no, and it was a lot. Granted I have a 4.5-year-old son who was home too long on a holiday weekend and things were getting rowdy, but it made me think of all the ways I say no when I should be saying yes.
I say no a lot to social outings. I want to go out, and see people and friends, and have a good time, but it feels like a lot of work. When someone like me is neurodivergent, social outings can take a lot of work and cause a lot of anxiety. The precursor of going is easy enough, but as it gets closer to time, I have to talk myself into it. It's not that I do not want to -- it's just anxiety sometimes steps in, and it's hard to talk myself into it.
I say no to help, even when I need it. Sometimes I say the "no" so quickly, that I didn't even mean it and it feels too late to say yes. How many of you say no to help? Is it ego, anxiety, or just a part of your personality? I am trying to say yes to help more because I manage a lot of things, and any little bit of help can go a long way.
I say no to my needs. As a parent, I sometimes have to say no to my needs like having some quiet time with no noise, or not wanting to be touched. I love my kid, but some days I am completely drained and do not always have it in me to be on top of my mom game to provide all the attention he needs. I feel guilty on those days and in turn, I'm not a great mom or person that day because I feel pulled in a lot of directions.
What are things we should say yes to?
First, self-care and not the self-care that is a 10-minute car ride to get coffee alone, or a bubble bath after the house is quiet. I am talking about doing something that fills your spiritual, emotional, and mental cup up to the brim, making you the best version of yourself. For every person that journey is going to be different. It could be therapy or setting boundaries, and for some, it could be a week-long vacation to the beach. Whatever works for you, say yes to it. Even if you have to take baby steps, start saying yes to yourself.
Second, say yes to new opportunities. Life is a fun ride, and sometimes I think we get so stuck with our high beams focusing on the road that we forget to look around and see what's around and in front of us. When was the last time you said yes to a new or different opportunity? This is something I have been working on diligently this year and it has paid off in dividends. I used to be a planner, a 5-year plan gal, who had to have her ducks all in a line to make sure she was hitting all the career markers she should. Guess what happened? I worked so hard on hitting those markers, that I burned out and none of the businesses and organizations that benefitted from my drive cared that I couldn't go anymore -- they just found someone else that would. It was a hard lesson, but one that I needed, and now, by saying yes, I've been able to travel the country doing a lot of really awesome stuff.
Three, say yes to a day off. Our friends at Pure Life are offering a grant opportunity to anyone to have a day off. There is no catch and it's open to anyone who lives in the U.S.A. Pure Life Hears Your No Grant could be just what you need, a financial push to take some time to say no to the things that you most need to say no to.
Grant applications are open until the end of November, but why wait? Apply now!